My family has really been through a lot over the past year and I’ve been making choices that shove me into The Deep Dark Hole. Some of you know that The Social Guy moved out last Fall and it wasn’t pretty. It could have been fine, but choices were made that were beyond my control and I needed to stand up for myself.
One of the things I had been choosing to do is pulling up the texts I received from my son and re-reading them. They’re awful. I’m tempted to quote them here, but for what purpose? To prove that I’m not totally insane? To prove he was mean and abusive? No, I don’t need to do that. I don’t need sympathy and I certainly don’t need to do anything that hurts him.
I do need to find ways to help me and my family heal.
This week I took back his childhood for myself. I pulled out pictures and admired him. I let myself feel the love we shared. I let myself know that, while his childhood wasn’t perfect (because seriously who’s is?), it was full of love and laughter. We have great memories of his life and today…that is what I am choosing to focus on:
And no, I didn’t Nickelback you on this video, the song is from Boyz II Men: A Song For Mama, because THIS video is for me and I WILL remember when my son loved me.
If you are struggling with your kids, please know you are NOT alone. Try to give yourself some love and keep doing what you can for you.