There are worse things I could do…

My family has really been through a lot over the past year and I’ve been making choices that shove me into The Deep Dark Hole. Some of you know that The Social Guy moved out last Fall and it wasn’t pretty. It could have been fine, but choices were made that were beyond my control and I needed to stand up for myself.

One of the things I had been choosing to do is pulling up the texts I received from my son and re-reading them. They’re awful. I’m tempted to quote them here, but for what purpose? To prove that I’m not totally insane? To prove he was mean and abusive? No, I don’t need to do that. I don’t need sympathy and I certainly don’t need to do anything that hurts him.

But…

I do need to find ways to help me and my family heal.

This week I took back his childhood for myself. I pulled out pictures and admired him. I let myself feel the love we shared. I let myself know that, while his childhood wasn’t perfect (because seriously who’s is?), it was full of love and laughter. We have great memories of his life and today…that is what I am choosing to focus on:


And no, I didn’t Nickelback you on this video, the song is from Boyz II Men: A Song For Mama, because THIS video is for me and I WILL remember when my son loved me.

If you are struggling with your kids, please know you are NOT alone. Try to give yourself some love and keep doing what you can for you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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13 Replies to “There are worse things I could do…”

  1. I am new to your blogs and now I might have to call off work this evening so I can stay home and read EVERYTHING!! As the mother of 5 (officially) adult children, I am taking your lead and pulling out older photos to remind myself that it wasn’t always to stressful, so painful, so hurtful. Thank you for sharing parts of your life and reminding us that we’re not alone.

  2. Your son still loves you, it sometimes takes time. If you look at my page, it say’s son “pending”. You amaze me girlfriend!

  3. Though it may be hard to believe, time will heal your wounds, and though things will never be the same, more than likely-eventually-they might be better than ever. Because you will both learn from this. Just try to keep some way open for you to come together again. It may be years, but if you let it happen, you will find a road back to each other–but only if you leave a path. I believe what you have done is a great way to start building a path, and also helping you and your family to heal. It will be hard and it will be painful, but you’ve taken the first step, and that is HUGE! I pray for you to bring your family back together and healthy-thank you for this–it will help many others to do what you have done!

  4. Loved this. Many hugs to you. My mother went through the very same thing with my youngest brother and it broke my heart. He made her cry! I wanted to kick his miserable ass! LOL. She was nothing but sweet to him and he was hateful and cruel in return. They are still on pretty shaky footing, but things are much better now–and I pray that the relationship between you and your son will slowly begin to heal. That’s such a beautiful thought of yours, to take back his childhood for yourself. I’ll tell my own mother that and perhaps it will help heal her, too. xo

    1. I hope it does help her. I needed to remind myself that I did give him love during his childhood. XO

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