Freezer Hide and Seek

From time to time I play a little game with my family.  It’s called something like…”How Long Can Mom Go Without Stopping At The Grocery Store?” or I like to call it “How Creative Can Mom Get Before We Refuse To Eat?”  We’ve been playing the game this past week.  We did really great until Sunday.  Sunday was Easter and we had a wonderful dinner, while visiting family.  But, we came home late and hungry.

I scanned the freezer and fridge.  I decided to make some sort of creamy-lemon-caper-chicken-pasta thing.  I was tired though and really did not feel like cooking.  Natron made me a deal that we could order Chinese food for dinner if I could order for less then $20.  DEAL!!!  We had Chinese, sent the kids to bed, and all was good at the Olson House.

The next day for dinner I looked in the fridge for the chicken I had taken out the night before.  Hmph.  I can’t find it.  I search the freezer.  No luck.  Well, that’s weird.  I *know* I took it out to defrost because I was going to use it.  What the heck?  I search the fridge again…..and the freezer.  Wow, it’s no where to be found.  And then I open the microwave…yep, there it is.  Nasty, defrosted, ruined chicken.  Did it wreck my game? Oh no, it just ended up getting a bit more interesting :)

Monday I made some sort of pork chop stir fry.  Tuesday we had pork chop, rice, frozen veggie hotdish.  (Nasty, but the kids ate it up like crazy!)  Wednesday we had venison stroganoff on spaghetti noodles (totally klassy) and tonight….well crap.  I’m out of proteins.

We had nine chicken nuggets that I split between the three kids.  Then they ate up what was left of the noodles (no sauce) and hotdish.  BUT WAIT.  What is that shiny package at the back of the freezer?  A rouge package of pork chops?  I squeal with delight!  I rip open the package and find: A FREAKING PORTION OF GROUND BEEF!!!  SCORE!  Thursday night ends with Italian Nachos (tortilla chips topped with beef – browned with the rest of the bruschetta I had in the fridge, and mozzarella cheese).  It’s Friday tomorrow and I get to go shopping.  Team Olson wins!

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It’s Eclectic, Not Broke

If you ever come to my house, you will notice that my dishes don’t match.  It’s not because I can’t afford matching dishes.  It’s because I thought it would be cool to collect white, clear, and blue dishes that caught my eye.  I had a vision of some Martha Stewart type table setting where everything doesn’t quiet match, but looks great together.  Yeah, it doesn’t quite work AND I guess all of Martha’s dishes match…

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Best Diet Ever!

I came up with it today.  You see I do really good on Mondays and Tuesdays.  One might even say I do “perfectly” those days.  I eat healthy, staying away from refined foods and ‘white’ carbs.  I don’t drink.  I track my calories.  I exercise twice a day, and drink lots of water.  I take my vitamin D and sometimes I even take all my multi-vitamins.

Then Wednesday comes.  I get tired.  I start to slip just a little bit.  I might only workout once and I am pretty sure I will make room in my calorie count for some crackers with cheese at night (and maybe a small glass of wine).  And I guarantee I do not take my vitamins, any of them.

Thursday comes.  I sleep in just a little bit.  I go to the homeschool playgroup and sit on my arse all afternoon.  I usually still eat good, unless someone brings food to share.  Then I get a tiny bit restless and I eat more then I should.  I go home tired, worn out, not wanting to cook, and craving potatoes (God’s personal gift to me – which will be a later post).  I cook dinner, kind of, and usually eat a bit too much.

Friday.  The morning goes just fine.  I eat a simple breakfast and a decent lunch.  And then?!?  And then?!?  Do I need to say more?  It’s the weekend baby.  I want to celebrate.  To me celebrations have always included good food, good drinks, and good people.  Damn it, I think I gain five pounds every weekend.

Thank God for Sunday.  A day to rest, relax, clean the house a bit.  A day to have wine at dinner and plan for the upcoming week.  These plans mostly include how I am going to really get my shit together and get ‘serious’ about loosing weight.

I’ve spent time reflecting on my behavior and I figure I can be perfect about 50% of the time and the other 50% of the time should just be considered ‘golden’ because of how perfect I was.

So here’s the plan:  It’s called the A.M./P.M. Diet.  It’s going to revolutionize the entire weight loss community.  It’s flawless.  From midnight until noon, you eat perfectly: lean organic meats/eggs, organic veggies, good fats, you drink lots of water, and keep your calories to less then 500.

As soon as noon hits, you’re good to go.  Have a Manhattan with your pesto burger and fries.  Hell, it’s afternoon and you already ate perfectly the first half of the day.

I’m sure you’ll hit a craving for sweets sometime after 2:00.  It’s okay.  Indulge.  Go for that movie theater sized bag of Reeses pieces.  You deserve it.  You were flawless all morning.

Are you ready for dinner?  I don’t know about you, but I’m Jonesing for a kick ass steak with king crab legs, dipped in butter.  Add a loaded baked potato, would you?  And let me wash it down with a glass or three of wine.  What the hell, you were awesome for the first half of the day.

Late night snack anyone?  It’s healthy to drink wine and eat cheese, so smother this Flacker with brie and keep my glass full!  [writing note to self: Flackers are actually not ‘bad’ for you = bonus!]  Shit! It’s 11:59.  Down the last drink, grab the Tums, slam some water and go to bed.  You can sleep until noon.

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It’s All In The Name

First off in my newest adventure is the name.  I need a cool name.  I can’t copy Biggest Loser for obvious reasons: copyright infringement, no trainer, no fat farm, and there is only one person competing…me (I hope I win).  I’ve been hanging out with thesaurus.com trying to come up with a catchy title for my game:

  • Ample Deadbeat
  • Enormous Down and Outer
  • Monster Underdog
  • Spacious Flunky
  • Voluminous Flop

Nothing seems to fit and I’m having no luck with synonyms for “smallest” and “winner”:

  • Pint-Sized Hero
  • Scanty Number One
  • Small Scale Title-Holder

How about something news worthy:

  • 2010 year of the Tiger, I’m done being wider!
  • I’ve kicked it before…Let’s hear me roar?
  • Gold Medal Skinny Bitch (actually I read that book in about one hour and thought it was stupid…just sayin’)
  • I Won a Gold Medal in Metabolism

Yep, no good ideas there.  Why do I *need* a name?  Why do I need a *label*?  Is there a deep psychological thing going on there?  Probably not…

 

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Happy Spring!

Yeah, I know ‘technically’ today is the First Day of Winter, BUT…it is also known as the Winter Solstice.  The Winter Solstice is the shortest day of the year.  For those of us who dread Winter (with it’s icy cold temps, mounds of snow, and dark skies) today is a day of celebration.  From now on out the days begin to get loooonger.  So ‘chin up’ fellow Winter Haters, we’re gonna be okay.  It only gets better from this day on.  I pinky promise.

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