I turned 45 last week. 
And all I can think about since my birthday is, “What the hell happened in the last five years? Where did *I* go?”
Five years ago I was blogging like crazy, making funny videos, enjoying being a pink-head and playing with Curlformers, hanging out with lots of friends, playing Rock Band, running, and mountain biking in a tutu.
It was fucking awesome.
And then I had ankle fusion number one.
And then I had ankle fusion number two.
And guess what? After I healed from ankle fusion one and two, I got to have spinal fusion to my neck.
And all of this fucking sucks¹.
I rarely blog anymore or make videos. I haven’t been able to dye my hair for a long time due to the pain in my shoulders (and now because I’m not through the healing process of neck fusion). I hardly see friends anymore and our Rock Band stuff is packed away. And obviously I’m not running or mountain biking.
I just sit here and exist.
Nathan’s sure I have PTSD from all of my health complications and while he can’t “diagnose” me, he’s probably right. I need to start seeing my therapist again.
This isn’t the first time I’ve “slumped“. Oh, it seems like it happens again and again….so I know I’ll un-slump myself…somehow…and hopefully soon.
¹No need for a pity party or tons of advice. I’m just trying to keep it real and I know that writing is something that helps the un-slumping.
