Oh where oh where can I be?

I turned 45 last week. 

And all I can think about since my birthday is, “What the hell happened in the last five years? Where did *I* go?”

Five years ago I was blogging like crazy, making funny videos, enjoying being a pink-head and playing with Curlformers, hanging out with lots of friends, playing Rock Band, running, and mountain biking in a tutu.

It was fucking awesome.

And then I had ankle fusion number one.

And then I had ankle fusion number two.

And guess what? After I healed from ankle fusion one and two, I got to have spinal fusion to my neck.

And all of this fucking sucks¹.

I rarely blog anymore or make videos. I haven’t been able to dye my hair for a long time due to the pain in my shoulders (and now because I’m not through the healing process of neck fusion). I hardly see friends anymore and our Rock Band stuff is packed away. And obviously I’m not running or mountain biking.

I just sit here and exist.

Nathan’s sure I have PTSD from all of my health complications and while he can’t “diagnose” me, he’s probably right. I need to start seeing my therapist again.

This isn’t the first time I’ve “slumped“. Oh, it seems like it happens again and again….so I know I’ll un-slump myself…somehow…and hopefully soon.

¹No need for a pity party or tons of advice. I’m just trying to keep it real and I know that writing is something that helps the un-slumping.


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