Lost and Not Found

The Brainiac is having a hard time. It’s been about four months since The Social Guy moved out, and while I don’t feel the details are mine to tell, it wasn’t a pretty move. The four of us left at home feel like we’ve lost a family member. And I don’t mean ‘lost’ as in we can’t find him. I mean ‘lost’ as in he’s no longer alive.

I don’t always know how to comfort my kids as we’re going through this. I don’t really have any wise things to tell them¹, and this is one of those things I can’t make better with a band-aid and a kiss. Plus, I’m grieving myself.

While the psychology experts will tell you there are 5 stages of grief:  Denial and Isolation, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance, I will tell you that we bounce from one stage to the other on a pretty rapid cycle. And since there are four of us experiencing this loss – guess what? We all rapid cycle at different times.

There are times when I hold my grieving, angry, crying, youngest son, and whisper into his ear that I have hope. I have hope that The Social Guy will find a way back. That the things that have been done can be un-done. As the days, weeks, and months go by…I believe less and less. And I am left helping a family grieve a boy who, even though he’s just miles away, feels like he’s gone forever.


¹The only thing I have to tell them is this:

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15 Replies to “Lost and Not Found”

  1. I hear you on that, sister.

    And those stages? I have bounced from one to another more than once…I can take’em in no particular order.

    But hey. Whatever works, right?

    Hang in there…I got lots of love for you.

    1. Wouldn’t it be great if the stages were like a check list? “Denial? Anger Bargaining? Depression? Acceptance? Look at that! I’m done with the process!” ugh…

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