I picked up my first-ever prescription for Prozac today. I was anxious about picking it up so as I waited, I bought a pretty pair of earrings, a new lipstick, and a couple of t-shirts. (I’m telling you….retail therapy works, damn it.)
I was even more anxious when I swallowed my first pill.
Would I become some sort of a shell of a person? Comatose and without feeling? Would I become instantly high and obnoxiously happy? Would I pass out? Would I become a zombie and start the apocalypse? Would I…still be me?
Within seconds of swallowing that pill I called Nathan.
Me: Hi. I just took my first pill. Do I sound like me?
Nathan: Um…who is this?
Me: IT’S ME! Srsly, do I still sound the same?
Nathan: Oh, this is a tele-mar-ket-er.
Me: NO! I AM NOT A TELEMARKETER!!! DO I SOUND ANY DIFFERENT!?!?
Nathan: I would like to order 3, please.
Me: Trust me, you DO NOT want three of me! Can you even imagine the maintenance on that!?!??
Nathan: Yep, you are still you.
And then we had a long conversation about the color of my new pills. How I think they’re ugly and depressing looking and that I should work for Prozac because I have a lot of ideas on how to make their pills more attractive (think pink or purple/rainbows/glitter!). Then Nathan mentioned the fact that I probably got ‘generic’ Prozac and I had flash-backs to the ’80s black and white generic food labels…ish…He was totally right. I have ugly, generic Prozac.
He promised to cook homemade goat cheese/seafood ravioli with me for dinner and I felt a little better.
As I was picking up the ingredients for the ravioli I noticed the grocery store was having a sale on roses. I called Nathan and asked him if he would like me to pick up some flowers so he could give them to me? (Yes, you read that right. I picked up flowers for him to give to me. I could have bought them for myself, but I knew he would have wanted to get me flowers himself.¹) He said, “YES!”
So, my theory is on your first day of meds you should buy new clothes, make-up, and jewelry. You should also be bought flowers and enjoy a lavish dinner with loved ones. This way you give the drugs a fair chance to work later in the week when you realize the clothes don’t fit, your flowers died, and you gained three pounds. (The lipstick is actually nice, so…there is that.)
¹You could get on Nathan’s case and tell me that he should go get me flowers on his own, but then you would have forgotten that I rarely let him out of the basement without me…I *might* be a control freak? No really, he works at home per his own choice…really…he wants to work at home and never leave the house without me…