I’ve been considering getting a part-time job, but with all my recent health issues it’s probably not a practical thing to do.
Oh, I haven’t mentioned my *new* health concerns? That’s probably because I don’t have any great answers yet. Both my family doctor and my orthopedist told me to see a neurologist. The neurologist said that he thinks my back is causing multiple sclerosis type symptoms, but he’s not convinced that I have MS. So we’re hitting my back with a variety of treatments with the hope of getting me some much needed relief. (I’m typing this post right now with mostly numb fingers – yeah, I’m freakin’ awesome like that.)
Anyhoo…Let’s get back to that job thing.
Earlier this week, I got an email from Noah at okdork.com. He also runs Sumome.com which offers FREE tools for you to help you grow your website traffic. Sure, it was a “form email” that he probably sent to everyone on his massive email list, but it intrigued me. Basically he’s looking for rock stars to add to his already amazing team. You don’t have to have a college degree, but you do need to like tacos, drink AT WORK, and be able to use the word fuck in casual conversation¹.
OMG…It’s like I was born for this job.
I hit the CLICK TO APPLY HERE button and started typing up a summary of my awesomeness. (By the way, go ahead and apply if you think you like tacos, drinking, and swearing more than I do.) Then I got to thinking and I realized that with my current medical shit it would be unwise to get Noah’s hopes up that I could actually work for him. I just couldn’t hit the send button, but I think it’s a pretty good summary about how cool I am, so I’ll share it with you:
“Hey Noah! I just wanted to send you a quick note letting you know that I love tacos, as long as they’re not too spicy, and there are days when I say “fuck” more often than a homeschooling mom should. I also love to write and find traffic growing very seductive. (Don’t judge – we all have weird fetishes, right?) While I have no formal education, I tend to lose myself in books like:
“Jab, Jab, Jab, Right Hook”
“You Everywhere Now”
“The Slight Edge”
Here’s where I’d like to tell you that you’ll find me brilliantly incredible and you should take a HUGE chance on an unproven blogger and Facebook addict, and that you’d never regret rescuing my family and I from the cold tundra of Minnesota to the beautiful (and fucking amazing) Texas, but…I hate bugs and other creepy crawly things. I’ve heard stories of ginormous spiders and scorpions the size of small cars attacking innocent people who live in Texas. I just can’t do bugs or the thought of bugs. If you need proof, you can read an entry in my blog: http://themfp.com/insectaphobia-i-have-it/
Obviously there is no fucking way I could move to Texas, but I hope you find people who will appreciate your in office bar as much as I would: http://themfp.com/and-this-is-why-i-cant-send-my-kid-to-school/
And yes, I know my blog is a fucking mess, but you have a some what broken page on your site. I figured this made us even. What page you ask? It’s your FAQ. There’s no way to get back to your home page from there: http://help.sumome.com/
If you’re interested in a telecommute option, I promise to spend all the money you would’ve invested in relocating us to keeping my liquor cabniet stocked and I’m not afraid to do shots during office hours via Skype.”
I’m fairly certain he would’ve hired me within minutes after reading that and he might’ve even been able to convince me to move to Texas, but the timing just isn’t right. *le sigh*
I guess I’ll just have to stay here and continue being the mother freakin’ princess that I am.
¹Okay, so there’s way more to this job search than being a kick ass, taco eating, booze drinking, foul-mouthed, internet super star. Noah’s looking for people in the following positions and if you think you’d be a good fit, you should apply:
1- Web Designer: HTML5, CSS3, responsive / mobile design
2- Content Marketer: Writer, Editor, Organizer, Traffic grower
4- Sales: Money, Money, Money
5- Acquisition Marketer: PPC, SEM, FB Ads, ROI